Nights like these

It is nights like these that I waver on the idea of a child. I am currently home alone. Husband is on a trip and is obviously gone for the night.  Now, Hubbs isn't gone much anymore. I can't actually remember the last time he was gone more then one night at a time, but when we first were married and he had only been at his job for a little bit, he was gone constantly for a week or so at a time. How does this relate to babies and family?

Well on nights like these I can't figure out if a baby would be a blessing or a burden. Would I be appreciative of the "company" or would I be resentful for the "extra work" since Hubbs is currently sitting at a friends house watch a football game and I would be taking care of the baby. I realize if a baby was in my life I would already be a stay at home mom. I wonder if during this time he has been away would I have even left the house since I had no work to go to? Would I just be taking care of the baby? I read about this on other stay at home mom's blogs. The boredom that eventually sets in after the newness of a baby wares off. Or maybe its when your schedule fall into place and settles that there just isn't excitement in the day anymore. Point is... am I ready to be mature and grown up enough to handle a few evenings buy my self with a baby? I feel that "capable" of watching the baby is not an issue, but just the idea of having to do it alone would get to me. I dont' think I would be mature enough to handle being "stuck at home while he has fun". I know this, because with out the baby (when I am free to go out) I still feel like I am stuck at home having no fun.

Hum, ok, so not really related to baby, more of frustration with family and lack of friends in the area!