Games

I keep going back in forth.

Yes I want a baby

No I need to wait

How do you know? Is the fact that I am questioning it prove that I'm not ready? or that like all new expectant moves that I am nervous about a big decision?

How do you know?

The Go A Head

Last night Hubbs and I were talking. Babies got brought up. Long story short today it was "emotionally I am ready for a baby, financially, I would like to wait". So we decided this wouldn't be brought up again until summer. I doubt I can pull that off, but its a goal. We wont even consider it till then. In reality I don't think I'll be ready then either... but I think he knows that.

Heart Ache

Today  a little girl was lost at work. I on the other hand was just so darn happy to help a littler person out. I even asked her if I could pick her up and carry her. I would like to point out at this time she was 7 and about half my size. I should not have picked her up. But, I also could not NOT hold this crying little girl. What does this have to do with anything?

I need a baby in my arms. I desperately need (in this moment) a baby or any child under 5 (I think) to snuggle with, hug, read a book to... ANYTHING. I just some serious kid love right now. I would LOVE to give a baby a bottle right now. Like to the point that I would rent a kid just so I could snuggle, smell its J&J lotion head, and give it a bottle. Of course I would need to rock it to sleep afterwards too... part of giving a bottle.

These are the kind of things that make me want to jump on the baby wagon. These moments make me reconsider holding off on reproduction. I have to take a serious step back from the situation, remind my self why I am waiting, and how much better it will be when I am able to do it right.

But just letting you know future baby... if you do not want to be held or snuggled... I will swaddle you into loving submission...Because all I can think about right now is giving you a huge hug and never letting go!