I wrote about being lost on my other blog. I am not usually so deep or personal on that forum. Mainly because my grandma reads it and I don't feel like awnser questions to things I didnt' directly tell her. Curse of the internet? Sure. Something I want to bother with? No.
But I came here, for an update and a reminder to my self. One that doesn't have to be so catchy and thought out. A rambeling of sorts. I think one person reads this blog and honestly I have told her much worse things about my self then anything I would put out to be this public (even with only one reader!)
I keep going back and forth on the baby thing. I have fought so long to convince Hubbs that we need a baby and as soon as he agreed to it I started to waver in my decision. Various things have happened this summer. My Sister in law moved in at the beginning of the season and my Mother in law passed away at the end. This has led to almost daily "should we or shouldn't we" thoughts lingering in my brain. What is enough money? Enough time? Who is really around to support us? Do I really want to do the SAHM thing? Can I really afford not to? With my less then stellar job right now it would be impossible to stay working and afford child care. It would literally cost me more to board my child then I would earn. Maybe even twice as much! I'm not sure if this speaks poorly about my job or child care cost, either way with this job SAH would be must. But what if I got a better job? Then what? That also sounds stupid. Because I can't find a better job. I am under qualified for anything secretarial and too type specific in the degree I have now.
But this has become a full on rant for no good reason. So I'll just spell check and wrap this up.
