Verbal Bombing

To last night husband and I were eating dinner and out of left field I totally laid down this doozy "I want to adopt and I want you to commit to me saying that we WILL do it some day" That verbal bombing was followed by a blank stare so I continued.

"I don't mean just someday" Boom!

"I'm talking like 100% sure" Bang!

"I mean we want a lot of kids, OK a few, and I need one of them to be adopted for sure" KAPOW!!

 I thank that leveled him down. So yes, I verbally bombed my husband last night. Luckily the man will recover. He has learned well over the last few years to survive my bombings. He also had just completed a negotiating class hours before. He new better then to ask "Where does this come from?!" We have talked adoption we have even talked fostering. Well, OK, honestly those are all verbal bombings too. But! We did talk about them. This was no left field discussion.

"I thought that adopting was plan B?" Ah, calm cool and collected. Just how I like my recovery process to start.
"I see it as more of plan A part 2... or part 1" OK... so that came from left field... BOOM!

Basically I made it clear that I need him to consider adopting before we start trying. I want us to know going into this that our family will grow by at least one adoption. Now, if our family only grows by adoption I am OK with that too. That we have discussed that we know will be our "plan B" if conceiving natural doesn't occur. I have a "fear" or "reassurance" that the reason I stumble on these adoption blogs and read these stories is because I am being prepared. I think this is the beginning of my journey. Instead of having 20/20 hindsight and being grateful that I had read these things I am making mental notes and realizing the gift I have in front of me.

So, my verbal bombing has stopped for now. I even apologized for the hostel attack later. He forgives me. He knows that I do this. Scare thing is how much I actually hold back. I'm not sure he could handle all that I consider dropping on him! But I did give him a time frame. 1 to 2 years. He has that long to consider adoption and make the right choice! He doesn't see it as plan A part anything yet. It is still a plan B but hopefully he feel the way I do when the time comes.